I’m ready to tell all. Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ 

I got a job! Earnest editor’s note: I received such kind, uplifting replies last month––including solidarity in the job search–– and now email has become my social media platform of choice. The Gmail-aissance is here.

Topics covered this month: Addiction, Sex and the City, Amsterdam Let Me Count The Ways I Love Thee, a 2001 film I didn’t get.

It’s giving hired. It’s giving payroll. It’s giving work email signature. It’s giving friendly office banter. It’s giving commute playlist I’m too afraid to listen to while biking. It’s giving you getting a break from me talking about wanting a job. I’m very excited to start a contract role that hopefully evolves into a full time position! It’s giving do I remember how to interact with people over 10 months old.

Unintentionally, I sent the last newsletter on the 13th and I started thinking about how this date has shown up in my life. It’s the day my mom was born (March), the day my dad died (October), and my daughter’s original due date (May). And more important than any of that nonsense, it became the date I pressed β€œschedule email.” I thought about how cool it would be to always send this on the β€œ13th” of each month, but then I got impatient and sent this on a random Wednesday. Let’s jump in!

In Popular Culture

Some things I listened to, admired, and completely missed the point of. Editor’s note: How obvious is it that Michael and I type β€œ90’s/y2k thriller” into Google to choose a movie to watch?

Yay: Susan Sarandon’s accent and body (sorry for objectifying but πŸ”₯) in the 1994 film The Client.

Yay: I’ve seen many say that this Ariana Grande song sounds like Robyn––one of our best––and damn does it ever. I love it!

IDK: I watched the 2001 David Lynch film Mulholland Drive and I’m ashamed (?) to say I absolutely did not get it. I read multiple synopses that explained theories to me so now I’ve adopted those as my own. Wardrobe is 10/10 though.

Yay: This SNL skit I watched after not understanding Mulholland Drive.

Nay: Dries Van Noten Leaving his House.

Yay: This photoshoot of Dennis Rodman that I love. Editor’s note: I did not read even one word of the article, sorry. Go Bulls!

Nay: The line, β€œAbracadabra,” in the 2006 film The Prestige. IYKYK. Editor’s note: I almost injured myself scoffing at that one line but I liked the movie otherwise!

On Why Michael Hates Sex and the City and Why I Love It 

*In unison* β€œIt’s corny!”

The line, β€œMeanwhile, downtown…” is very triggering to Michael and, unfortunately, it’s said about 15 times per episode. And to that, I say, no notes!

Signs of (After) Life

My dad did not struggle with addiction, but he did live with it. It may have started as a reaction to being drafted during the Vietnam War––an event he refused to discuss. He might have associated sobriety with the feeling of getting older and tried to turn down the definition of his life to a youthful blur. Whatever the reason, he was very at peace with his choices, and ultimately, I was too. 

I have a feeling he would not enjoy reading this on his ghost computer––WiFi network: gr8Byondβ€”but I do hope he forgives me for sharing. One of the hardest parts of addiction is the shame and secrecy that sticks to it. 

My dad sailed through life with Heineken beer and marijuana, and as it happens, Amsterdam is essentially the world capital of both those things. I am reminded of my dad here, a lot. Empty green cans on the side of the canal remind me of my early twenties, whenever I felt depressed, calling my dad up so he could tell me about his list of chores, his car, the tides; a soothing, white-noise stream of sounds that lulled me back to an even temper. They make me think about watching my dad try and hide bottles from me. They make me think about how drinking softened an already gentle person. They make me think about how a lifetime of substance abuse did not kill him, but a few years of war probably did.

Addiction is layered. I would classify my experience with my dad as intermittently painful. Our relationship was impacted by it, but it wasn’t lost. And though it took us a while to find a rhythm, my dad firmly cemented himself in my life and never left––even now, the signs are everywhere

Editor’s note: It felt wild to accompany the above text with a meme, but…If I were to include one…

Vibe Check

As I mentioned above, email is the future. So I decided to see if not posting on Instagram changed how I took photos. It was pretty eye-opening…because it didn’t change a thing. But here are some mems!

A Running List of Why I Love Amsterdam

Bakeries per capita

Walk Score 10 billion

Significantly fewer guns

The coffee

Healthcare, infrastructure, general sense of safety

Parks per capita

…Weather?

Thrift stores

How often people buy fresh flowers

Carrot cake per capita

Public transportation

Blunt Dutch repartee that makes me feel both inspired and like hurling myself into a canal, depending on the context

This Poem

Top 3 reasons I miss my friend Julia right now:

  • She has the best sense of style. Period dot!!!

  • She loves dressing up––so do I––and there’s nothing more fun than getting dressed up together. Do not underestimate the power and joy of dressing up with your friends.

  • She has psychic abilities. I believe these play into her otherwise indescribable success when it comes to thrifting…

Next month I plan to write about Ida’s birth? I thought I would write about that this time, but it turns out I haven’t sorted out my feelings about the experience coherently. I want to take key to board before her 1st birthday so it’s coming! It may or may not include the moment Odette met her little sister, pictured below.

 

Thank you for reading xoxo

Piet Gijzenbrugstraat
Amsterdam 1059XE
Netherlands

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